My Stalker-Walker Strikes Again!

When I get to Heaven I plan on asking God a few questions.

1. Why is it that after a workout, days later your body is in excruciating pain, yet you look no different?

If you feel different, shouldn't you look different?

2. I also want to know why God didn't create a food-credit plan. If I pass up a donut or a loaf of bread, wouldn't it have been nice of Him to let us bank the calories for later?

I should have known when I agreed to go and workout tonight, that I was going to pay for it later. My Stalker-Walker friend Gina has a screw loose. She really does. What person in their right mind smiles through a weight training class? Every time she would look over at me (hiding in the very back corner, by the huge fan, and behind the Jack Lalanne wanna-be) I would shoot her "I HATE YOU" looks, hoping to somehow use mind-power to knock her off her step-box thingamajig and wipe that ridiculous I-love-working-out smile off of her face.

You will be happy to know that half-way into our cardio class, I escaped. The instructor started jumping up in the air like a kangaroo, and my pathetic thimble sized mom-bladder was my excuse to flee. I have never had a strong desire to bounce a quarter off of my bum anyhow. I tried to hide from Gina upstairs, and hopped onto a treadmill to throw her off my scent. Thirty minutes on that contraption and I'd only burned calories equivalent to three grapes. She must have smelled my disgust, because she found me.

God, why did you give me a work-out crazy Stalker-Walker for a friend?


I guess some things we just won't know this side of Heaven.

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY...well, kinda.

My darling 'Stalker Walker' buddy dropped these by my house on Saturday. I ate THREE of them! Do you see what I mean?!? That girl is trying to get me fat so when her ankle is well I WILL HAVE TO walk with her again!

My sister Jennifer gave me some Karate Kid advice when I told her what Gina had left for me this weekend. In a very dark and menacing voice, Jen told me over the phone just how I needed to take care of my donut fairy.

"Joanne...sweep the leg."

My Stalker-Walker Ain't Walkin for awhile!

My oddly militant Stalker-Walker walking buddy Gina is out of commission. After forcing me to walk in the dark with her on too many mornings to count...I am now getting a much needed break! A few weeks ago as we were walking down a hill in the dark...(did I already mention in the dark?), Gina tripped on a rock and rolled her ankle. Now my friend has torn tendons and a sprained ankle. She was so stressed when the doctor told her that she, under NO circumstances could walk. He was so adamant about this that he made sure to put her in a hard cast, not a soft cast, because she was actually asking him if she could have her morning walks with a soft cast. I asked her if she got a referral from her foot doctor for a head doctor...she is just insane! How many people would be depressed over not having to get up in the dark, bundle up like an eskimo and walk 2-3 miles a day?

I'll tell you who....GINA!

So please keep my friend in your prayers. And don't for a minute think that I am being too hard on her, don't you dare feel sorry for her at all. Do you know what she did right after getting on her cast? She brought over an early birthday gift for me and it was fattening chocolate. She is trying to sabotage my time away from her so I HAVE TO walk with her again. Her gift of sweets to me today sent out a clear message that I surely didn't miss...she wants me to get fat so I'll NEED HER!