Monday, January 4, 2010

How to have a miserable year.

Podcasts are my new best-friend. I hear they've been around awhile, but so have I, which means I missed the techno-wave. I am slow on the Mp3-uptake. But, as us middle-aged gals like to say - better late than never.

I recently downloaded to my Ipod, fourteen days worth of sermons and teachings from a few of my favorite pastors: Dr. John Macarthur, Chuck Swindoll, Dr. Charles Stanley, and Steve Madsen. With my snazzy new Ipod attachment-thingy for the car, my husband  is forced gets to listen to my favorites too.

While taking a scenic drive a few days ago, Pastor Chuck Swindoll taught us the five ways to have a miserable year. I helped him out below by expounding a bit on his one-liners. You too can be miserable! Great advice if you're into misery.

Which I'm not.

But, if you are, here are a few ways to make absolutely, positively sure you get your new year started off on the wrong foot.

(Cliche is one way this writer just did.)

(Talking in the third-person is another.)

Five Ways to Have a Miserable Year

1. Worry. ALOT. Start with the morning newspaper or your network news. Sit for awhile and drag out of your mom-bank all your recent parenting failures. Dwell on your weight, job, security, aging.

2. Fix attention on getting rich. Make sure to stay up late watching all infomercials that promise to make you a millionaire in two weeks or less. Add a dash of pizzaz to your infomercial evening by reminding your husband how little he earned last year.

3. Compare yourself with others - especially the ones with the most money and the smallest sized jeans. And don't forget to focus on the moms at school who look like they could be your daughters.

4. Lengthen your list of enemies. It isn't enough that your cousin on your uncles, neighbors side doesn't like you. You can irritate and anger more than her. Be an over-achiever at the next family gathering and tell people what you really think.

5. Cling to unrealistic expectations. Make this the year you vow to lose 200 lbs by your high school reunion this summer, write the novel you've always wanted to write in less than a week, or have your whole house remodeled by Valentines Day.

Make sure to write all of the above in ink.  For you Type A personalities, tattoo on your forearm.


Jensmere said...

Hey Joanne...these are great! Maybe number six should be writing a totally inspiring blog every day while visiting all my followers and catching up with all my friends on Facebook while cleaning house, doing devotions, cooking meals for each day this week......lololololol!!!!!

Love you, sweet sister!

Braley Mama said...

Thanks for the encouragement! We are so hard on ourselves. It is not about how we look, talk, or us it is about Him!!!!
Great post!

Karen said...

LOVE the pug face...and the list...LOL

Anonymous said...

This is a great list...I will try hard NOT to follow it in the new year! Thanks for sharing!

Faye said...

Love that little pug face! Hope you have a great day! Blessings, Faye

Mari said...

Those are great, and so is the dog in the picture! I love Chuck Swindoll!

The Real Me! said...

Oh so true my friend. I haven't watched the news in years. Just the headlines that pop up on the computer can send you into a tailspin.

Faith Imagined said...

Great list and I like your explanation of each. I have a problem with 1 & 3 but I am trying to give them up.

Many blessings to you in the New Year!!!

-Alisa Hope

Beth.. One Blessed Nana said...

Great post that gave me a much need laugh this morning!

Praying your new year is starting out just glorious in Him!

Erin said...

This list is awesome! My favorite is worrying a lot. I think I will work on my worrying. Seems that there are a LOT of things that I could be worrying about like the deficit, the existence of Global Warming, my shoe size, why regular business hours start so early in the morning or how I forgot the formula for taking the derivative of a polynomial function. I really need to step up my game if this is going to be a miserable year :-)

On a lighter note, you should check out the PodCasts from Francis Chan with Cornerstone Church (author of Crazy Love). I listen to him every week.

Have a GREAT (not miserable) week!!

christy rose said...

That does sound like it would make for one miserable year!

Muthering Heights said...

That's a good list of things to avoid!

Angie said...

Oh yeah. You nailed it big time.

It's amazing what we can do TO OURSELVES!

I love you girl!

A Stone Gatherer said...

Good list! I'll try to stay away from those!!!


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