Mom-guilt. I hate it. The moment the nurse placed each of my four babies into my eager arms, I could physically feel a lump form in my throat, a lead brick settle in my stomach, and some type of hot, painful, guilt-hormone race through my veins.
He has ear infections because I didn't breastfeed long enough.
I should've put an extra blanket on her when she fell asleep.
I knew his friend was sick when he came over, why didn't I cancel their play date?
She wouldn't have stitches in her lip if I'd left her training wheels on.
So, this morning I'm sitting in an audience filled with camera-toting parents and grandparents. Samuel, my 4th grader, has made the cut. He's one of five top spellers in his grammar school's 3rd and 4th grade classes.
This means one thing...district championships. Nineteen schools participate from the county and only the best of the best spellers compete.
Driving there this morning my inner dialogue began:
Hmmmm, you know, come to think of it, I don't recall going over the spelling words with Samuel.
That's okay, he's in the gifted program, remember? I'm sure he's got this figured out. I mean , who can't spell "friend" or "flimsy"?
But, you went over spelling words with his sisters and brother when they were in spelling bee's. You took the time for them.
Yeah, but I'm not a "new" parent anymore. I am much more relaxed about Samuel.
Or, maybe "Just Too Busy" working on your book?
Mom-guilt struck its fatal blow.
Sitting through three hours of a spelling bee, on a multi-purpose room bench can be painful. But, do you know what is excruciatingly painful?
Seeing tears well up in my son's eyes and watching the anguished look on his face as he missed the only two words on his team - losing the district championship for his school.
ACCUSE and MEASLES will go down in infamy, right alongside a few Kraft family spelling bee favorites like NASAL and BALLOON.
With that said, I'm going to be absent for a week or two. I'll be back on June 1st when the book comes out. I need to be present for the ones who need me most. It's time to focus on my one true calling, and the sweetest, most rewarding ministry God could ever give me - my family.
(But, if I'm not back in two weeks, don't send flowers - send BALLOONS. And, don't ACCUSE me of having the MEASLES. It's probably just a NASAL infection.)