SPECIAL DELIVERY

In my opinion, the U.S. Postal Service has overlooked what could possibly be a very profitable mode of mail delivery. I am surprised that our government would miss such a golden opportunity and such cash cow potential. After many inquiries, I have discovered that moms all accross America have frequently used this form of communication with their family. What am I talking about you ask…bathroom-mail of course.

I must admit, like the Loch Ness monster and Big Foot, I had heard rumors about a bathroom mailman when I had my first child. I had even been warned by many ‘expert mothers’ that not only would my alone-time in the bathroom become a distant memory…I would also experience bathroom-mail from time to time. So why was I so shocked when my first delivery was slipped under the door by a four year old little girl in 1995?

Since then my mail carriers have been both male and female, some cute and some not so cute (those would be my teenage mail carriers). I have had letters, homework, permission slips, report cards, birthday invitations and even notes of affection slipped under my bathroom door. I have begged, pleaded, cried and even screamed at them, “RETURN TO SENDER!” all to no avail.

From one experienced mom to any newbie moms out there, remember, your alone time in the bathroom is now a thing of the past. ’Neither rain, nor sleet, nor snow, nor the shrill screams of an exasperated mother can keep away bathroom-mail...Not now, not ever…