Thursday, April 17, 2008
Warning:Irritated mom. Read at your own risk.
Today I am struggling with children.
The only thing that is giving me peace is knowing that some day both my husband and I will be guests in their home. We have created this fantasy evening that we speak of more and more. The anticipated joy of this time with our adult children is building. Would you like to know what we are looking so forward to?
My husband and I have decided that when our children grow up we are going to have one glorious visit to their homes for dinner. On our special visit we are going to have our list in hand. What list, you ask? The list of things that have so highly annoyed us through the years.
When we arrive at their home we will do the following:
* When we walk in their front door we will throw our coats, purses or jackets on the floor.
* Preferrably in an area where everyone can trip over them.
* We will continue to walk over these items throughout our visit, pretending like we don't see them.
* Whichever room in their house that we walk out of, we will make sure to leave all lights on, no matter what time of day.
* We will slam all doors or cabinets when closing.
* I will take sick pleasure in leaving only one square of toilet paper on their roll.
* We will leave their front door or sliding glass door open. This includes all screens...No matter what the weather is like outside.
* When we sit on their furniture we will flop back onto their couches like we are doing a back flip.
* Wherever we go in their house we will run.
* After dinner we will make sure to just stand up and walk away from our dishes.
* If we clean the kitchen after dinner we will make sure to throw all glassware and dishes into the cupboard like we are pitching for a major league baseball team.
* If we break something we will always answer with, "I don't know." "Not me." or "That wasn't my fault."
* Just for fun we will take all towels in their bathroom and wad them into wet balls on the floor.
* If we help with anything, we will leave out whatever we have used on the kitchen counter.
* If we happen to take a drive with our adult children, we will make sure to stuff french fries in between all of the seats and throw crumbled wrappers on their car floor.
* When we get out of their car and garbage falls outside we will never throw the garbage away. We will only pick up what has fallen out of the car and throw it back inside, closing the vehicle door really fast.
* No matter what the topic of conversation we will always ask them, "Why?"
* No matter how much fun we have with them during our visit, we will ask immediately what other fun things they have planned for us.
Oh the joys of one day being able to visit their homes!