Thursday, April 17, 2008

Warning:Irritated mom. Read at your own risk.

Today I am struggling with children.

The only thing that is giving me peace is knowing that some day both my husband and I will be guests in their home. We have created this fantasy evening that we speak of more and more. The anticipated joy of this time with our adult children is building. Would you like to know what we are looking so forward to?

My husband and I have decided that when our children grow up we are going to have one glorious visit to their homes for dinner. On our special visit we are going to have our list in hand. What list, you ask? The list of things that have so highly annoyed us through the years.

When we arrive at their home we will do the following:

* When we walk in their front door we will throw our coats, purses or jackets on the floor.

* Preferrably in an area where everyone can trip over them.

* We will continue to walk over these items throughout our visit, pretending like we don't see them.

* Whichever room in their house that we walk out of, we will make sure to leave all lights on, no matter what time of day.

* We will slam all doors or cabinets when closing.

* I will take sick pleasure in leaving only one square of toilet paper on their roll.

* We will leave their front door or sliding glass door open. This includes all screens...No matter what the weather is like outside.

* When we sit on their furniture we will flop back onto their couches like we are doing a back flip.

* Wherever we go in their house we will run.

* After dinner we will make sure to just stand up and walk away from our dishes.

* If we clean the kitchen after dinner we will make sure to throw all glassware and dishes into the cupboard like we are pitching for a major league baseball team.

* If we break something we will always answer with, "I don't know." "Not me." or "That wasn't my fault."

* Just for fun we will take all towels in their bathroom and wad them into wet balls on the floor.

* If we help with anything, we will leave out whatever we have used on the kitchen counter.

* If we happen to take a drive with our adult children, we will make sure to stuff french fries in between all of the seats and throw crumbled wrappers on their car floor.

* When we get out of their car and garbage falls outside we will never throw the garbage away. We will only pick up what has fallen out of the car and throw it back inside, closing the vehicle door really fast.

* No matter what the topic of conversation we will always ask them, "Why?"

* No matter how much fun we have with them during our visit, we will ask immediately what other fun things they have planned for us.

Oh the joys of one day being able to visit their homes!


Amy said...

While I know you are annoyed (and rightfully so), you made me smile and laugh. This parenting thing just must be some kind of test for us. Don't you think?

Hope you have a wonderful day and maybe one of your cherubs will surprise you by bringing out the trash or something. lol

Terri said...

I know, it's frustrating sometimes. I had a friend who told me that part of the reason God allows kids to be annoying as teenagers was to help make the transfer out of the house, into college easier - Mom's are ready to shove them out the door!
Hope things improve!

Anonymous said...

Or you could wait until they have their own children and just sit back a cackle as you check off all the items on your list as your darling grandchildren perform all those tasks for you.

Amber Kay said...

I want to add:
"slam all doors or cabinets when closing" ...just after they got their kids down for afternoon nap!

My husband and I threaten our girls that we're going to get a camper and park it outside their homes for 6 months at a time. Right now they think it's a great idea. I wonder if they'll always think that?

Joanne said...

Oh Amber Kay, how could I forget that one?

*Wake up all sleeping babies by stomping, yelling or slamming things by their room, half way through their naps.

Thanks for the reminder!

Mari said...

You are funny! As a mom with a married daughter I will tell you that although those things sound great now, you will just love to see them when they move out and you won't even think about these things!

Chelle' said...

Ahhh Mari... don't steal our joy here. It's what keeps us going...

And Joanne- I'm with ya. Right down to the "wear my mud covered shoes into their home trekking foot prints throughout carpeted and uncarpeted regions alike"


Jonatha said...

I think I'm going to start a list like that. Or, maybe I'll just prints yours... What fun to look forward to!

Becoming Me said...

How funny and will you complain about the menu and request a new meal and then a snack 5 min. after dinner?

A Stone Gatherer said...

sounds like a good plan! I think I'll start planning my list now, because I know full well that I won't remember! And hey who knows maybe I'll do one better and move in with them and do it every day!

Sheryl said...

Love it! Thanks for the laugh.

Jamie said...

Oh, that cracked me up!

Have a blessed day!

Melissa @ Breath of Life said...

That was hilarious! Although I won't be able to do those things, as my 9 year old girl says she's just going to convert our attic and make that her her children can visit the grandparents WHENEVER they want. I'm not entirely keen on that idea.

Joyfull said...

I'm glad no one is around because I'm laughing and nodding my head and saying "yes, yes". Have you been to our house???? It is funny to read this, but in the heat of the moment can cause great annoyance. These things will too pass and we will one day miss them, so finding humor in them is a great idea.

Kim said...

Ha....ha...ha....your post sounds like one I could write somedays.

Thanks for making me laugh.......

Oh the joys...of children. :-)

Longmeadow Mama said...

Thanks for visiting my blog!
AND thanks for putting a smile on my face this evening. Boy, can I ever relate to this list you created!
Have a great rest of the weekend.

SharonB said...

You crack me up!

Megan said...

Oh my goodness, Joanne, I was laughing so hard at this post! I want to send it to *my* mom and tell her that she has it ALL wrong! She and my dad *definitely* need to do some scheming! lol (And a few years down the road I'll be doing some scheming of my own...) Thanks for the laugh- I didn't know how much I needed it after a long day at work... :)

Julie said...

I LOVED this post...ESPECIALLY the part about the back flip on the couch! : )

I am a mother of 5 I understand EXACTLY what you are saying.

Don't forget to leave your bed unmade and leave some old food in the back of their cars, you know dried up hamburger bun. : )

Have a blessed day,

elizabeth embracing life said...

I tell my daughter than I am going to sleep in her bed, while she is sleeping in it, leave a glass of water in every single room of the house, and steep a cup of tea that I will never drink.

I loved this blog. It is so refreshing to know that my kids are not that perfect.

Ansbaughmom said...

I came across your blog from a friend of mine. My kids are still young but everything you have on your checkoff sheet is right on!! Thanks for making me laugh this morning. Have a BLESSED day!!

SweetPea said...

That's hilarious. However, from the length of that list, you might as well make a night of it and spend the night with them allowing plenty of time to capture each of those wonderful tasks. haha


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