Monday, September 21, 2009
She is His.
My heart is breaking. Transition is taking place. Change is happening and I don't like it at all. I told the Lord she was His long ago, even reminded Him on occasion about our deal when she annoyed and irritated me. This day seemed so far off. Tucking her into bed, reading her stories, watching her dimples flash with joy over the simplest of things. A giggle. A word. A memory. My precious, precious child.
My oldest is moving out on her own. At almost eighteen years old, she is too much like her mother. Now in college, she wants to experience everything, taste and see it all. I have done my best to hold her back, and my not-so-best to hold her back.
She leaves happy, on a good note. Her father and I have helped her gather up belongings and will lovingly place her bed and dresser in her new home. But still the questions haunt me.
Have I done enough? Taught her enough? Encouraged her enough? Loved her enough?
I'm counting the days and hours before a mother's death sentence... letting go. I look into her beautiful blue eyes and see a desire to step out from under the confines of a home now keeping her, smothering her, with too many rules. She doesn't understand. She doesn't know what lies beyond the door. I want to keep her from it. But I can't.
"Every good mother, sooner or later, must understand she is denied ownership; she is merely granted stewardship." T.D.Jakes
Her mission soon begins. Mission: a group or persons sent to a foreign country to conduct negotiations and establish relations. She will be stepping out into the world where I pray she will make a difference for Him. "Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth." Psalm 127:4 Like those arrows, she is meant to soar.
But, does she truly know what I know about her? She is gifted. Does she see in herself what I see in her - opportunities beyond her wildest dreams.
Only a few miles away in a simple cottage, enjoying the freedom she craves. Still close enough to stop by and raid the refrigerator, do her laundry, and remind me once again she is no longer mine.
She is His.
"...I have called you by your name; You are Mine." Isaiah 43:1